Mr. L---- came out and asked what I needed. I said "I have an Intake appointment with you for 10:30." He looked surprised and went back to check his calendar. It looked as if he just got there himself, he still had his jacket and hat on. He called me back to his cubical and told he to take a seat under the large red poster that read "La Hepatitis C: El Gente, Nuestro Problemo." I went over scheduling from our last phone conversation: 12 evening group meetings and 6 personal counseling session over 90 a day program. He gave me more details on the weekly group agenda.
The Twelve Days of Counseling
1. The Rules: Program Overview, Getting to Know You
2. Anger Resources and Management Techniques
3. AIDS: The Connection to Drugs and Violence
4. Returning to the Old Crowd: Avoiding Your Old Environment
5. Agression Imput, Self Esteem and Denial
6. Anger, Power, Violence and Drugs
7. Domestic Violence and It's Roots
8. Man to Man: The Lecture Series
9. Stress Management Techniques
10. Relationships
11. Becoming Whole and Adding Spirituality to Your Life
12. Gradutation Day
He held up a copy of a diploma and said that when I graduate I'd get one of these (week 12, see above). He informed me that I'll be in the men's group and I'd be attending with 25 guys, most of them newly released from prison. He asked why I was there. I said it's one of my requirements. He said "Well, you're here for a good reason and you might as well tell me now." I described the horrible incident of summer, 2004.
"So you they had your back to the wall."
"No I was actually on the floor trying to sit up."
"I didn't mean that literally."
He insisted that the program would help me control this inner rage (week 2). I might learn some valuable things about myself as I interact with the group, maybe by Avoiding My Old Environment (week 4) I might stay out of trouble.
He asked me if I knew what the roots of domestic violence was (week 7). I said "money and drugs." Mr. L---- held his hands to his chest and said "No brother, it comes from here. But you have to get over the denial." (week 5)
I was stunned. I thought I had a good anwswer. I didn't know how to reply so I held my hands to my chest and nodded back. I realized that he didn't believe a word I'd said. I asked him if he was a religious man and if he ever read the Book of Job. He nodded yes.
"Sometimes life isn't fair, but why should it be. So here I am, just like Job sitting on the pile of garbage that was my house. Life just goes on but it doesn't pass you by unless you let it." He nodded slowly and paused. "I've accepted that I'm already here and I'll do what you need me to do."
He started the questionaire, and as with the Substance Abuse Assessment, he crossed out whole sections that dealt with drug abuse, family problems, sexual abuse, mental instability and the like. He asked if I practiced any religion, I said I was a lapsed Druid, but my parents are orthodox. I only go to the high celebrations.
We went through this again as if to see if I rememberred what I had said. The new questions were "Have you ever considerred suicide?" and "Have you ever attempted a homicide?" to which I answerred "No" and "Oh my God no!" He laughed and said "I have to ask you these questions. How much probation did you get?" I said three years, he said "Ow, the judge did not like you." he continued. "Have you had a drink in the past four week?" "Just last night."
"Have you felt depressed or lost in the past four weeks?" "Oh yes" I replied, he marked "Yes" on the form and then asked me how so. "Trying to comply with court appointments has been like driving a shopping cart with a busted wheel. I never know what to expect, conflicting dates, wrong programs, missing forms. Do you know how long it took me to book this appointment with you?" He changed the answer to "No".
At this point Mr. L---- got the feeling that I was not the menace to society that was described on a peice of paper with a court seal. The tone in his voice changed from concern for my dark angry Druid soul to just a normal conversation. he told me he'd been to Middle Earth in the 70s, during the war. I said "Then you know the lay of the land and the people." He smiled. "Beautiful place." he said.
In his written summary he listed my reason for needing Anger Management as "Mandated by Criminal Court" and crossed out Domestic and Felony Violence from the form. He said "You'll be alright" and shook my hand. He complimented me on my attire and interview demeanor.
Epiloque
I left there at 12:00 and got a fried chicken lunch around the corner. I wrote down my dates starting with January 23, and added it to the chart that I made to track all court matters and contact people.
I thought the weirdest part of the meeting was not the list of questions. It was that Mr. L---- never really looked me in the eye. He mostly stared at the pad with questions, occassionally looking up at me to see my reaction. What has this man seen? I agree that anger management might be a valuable tool but when applied to the wrong person it might be caustic, much like a type "A" blood transfussion admisterred to a type "B" man.
On his way from the train a scraggly man put his dirty hand out to Karl. Karl said "Sorry I don't have any change." The man pointed to his mouth and put his hand out again. Karl dug through his bag and gave him the biscuit he saved from his fried chicken lunch, still warm and wrapped in a napkin. The man held it to his heart and bowed, then walked off.
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