Hello, Calling Middle Earth

Holiday call to my parents, Nards and Vess. The phone rang about 12 times before my mother picked up. I bought them an answering machine but they never use it (Karl respects that, Karl resists cell-phone culture). She always has the same tone in her voice, as if she never expects to hear a voice on the other end. My parents loss of hearing, and the 14 to 15 hours time difference make conversations difficult. I wasn't sure if I should tell them exactly what's been going on with my misdemeanor situation. I was hoping to get my brother Victor. In any case...

[Translated from Druish]
"Hellooo? Hellooo?"
"Mom, it's Karl."
'"Ah Karl?"
"Yes, how you doing."
"Oh Karl good, what time is there?"
"It's 3:00 am here Mom?"
"Ah, why so early there? How are you doing in New York? It's cold there now, right?"
"Well.. that's how late I have to stay up to get you guys. Things are OK, work is slow but that's everywhere these days. We're just getting over the transit strike. So Mom, is Victor there with the kids? I just want to..."
"I'll get your Dad, Nards! Hey Nards, It's Karl!"
"No Mom, is Victor there yet?"
"Nards! IT'S KARL! OK OK, Here's your dad."
"(Oi vey) No... is Victor there... OK put Dad on then.""

There's a lot of shuffling as the phone get's passed.

"Helloooo. Karl, How are you doing?"
"Hey Dad, How are you?"
"My health is good, my tests came back clean. Even the small tumors that were removed came back negative. Your classmate Johnny is my skin doctor, me removed the small bumps on my face. The came back negative. They were just bumps."
"What tumors? Oh Johnny F--------, the special surgeon? When did this happen? You OK?"
"Oh it's nothing."

When Dad says "it's nothing", it's worrysome. That's how we found out about his prostate cancer. He fell and had a concussion. He had to get stitches and when his blood test came back it showed positive for cancer antigens.
"Dr. Johnny says I have good skin for my age too."
"That's his job Dad, so you're OK then. Is anyone else there? Victor or Ralph?"
"No, it's too early, they're still at work. Why are you calling here so early?"
"It's about 3:00 am here. You know I have stay up late here to get you."
"Oh, I bet it's cooler in New York now."
"Yeah it's winter here, it's just plain cold Dad."
"You know, Ralph is finishing his Associates degree, he only has a few more credits to complete."

Ralph. Sweet Ralphy boy. He was born when I was 17. In theory he could be my child. I used to change his diapers! I don't bug him too much about taking three years to almost complete an Associates Degree, he's a sweet kid. My parents always ask if I see my aunt in Brooklyn. I always say I'll call her, but I don't live near her at all. Concepts of distance and time are lost on Middle Earthlings. Where they live is roughly the size of Rhode Island.

"Are you coming home in September with your brother Larry? I'm getting old you know, I can't travel anymore."

There was about 10 seconds of silence. Guilt and the "I'm old" conversation always shut Karl up.
"I'll try, I'll see what I can do, you know, finances..."
"I can loan you money to come here. I don't have to spend it on the grand kids."
"It's not that. Hey Dad... well, I got arrested..."
"What? Where's Vess? I'll get your Mom, Vess! Vess! It's Karl!"

Oi. More phone shuffling.

"Ah, Karl so how's your health?"
"Good, I have a little bit of a cold but good."
"I can hear it. "
"So when is everyone going to home?"
"I'm cooking for everyone now, so I don't have to run around so much tomorrow. I'll just heat it up. You should go to bed, it's late for you at this time."
"Yeah it's late here for me, Tell Victor I'll to call him this weekend. Tell everyone I said hello, especially the kids."
"OK then, thanks for calling us. I love you. Good night."
"I love you too, Mom."

Hmmmm. Karl thinks of plan "B".