Down in the Basement

The hallways and rooms were very clean painted in ivory semi-gloss. The bulletin board was adorned with positive reinforcement messages, i.e. a cartoon of a duckling crossing a pond; it's mother quacking "You can do it!". "Holiday 2005" was spelled out in large red glitter letters, as if it were promoting a Uniterian monster-smack-down. The facility buzzed with activity, many a youth walked around in a daze clad in camouflage fatigues, even the girls (camouflage now comes in pink). Day Top Village has four floors of Substance Abuse Treatment. Karl was assigned a meeting in the basement with Councelor R----.

After signing away disclosure and privacey rights she began the proccess. The questionnaire is meant for assessing an existing substance problem, a substance history, family problems and personal history. No need for blood and urine testing at this meeting. This went quickly since the answer to entire sections was "No". I parked my bindle and said good evening to councelor R----.

"Are you an American citizen?"
"Yes, Middle Earth is an American annex."
"Are you religious?"
"I'm a lapsed Druid."
"How old are your parents?"
"My father will be 188, which makes my mother 176."
"Do they have a history of substance abuse?"
"Come on, they're very old, no."

My combliness points proved strong. Ms. R---- laughed. From that point whole sections where just marked NO in bold letters. She asked about drinking habits: how much, frequency, etc.

"How much do you spend on drinking?"
"Three beers at three dollars plus tip, about fourteen bucks."
"You don't have include the tip amount."
"If I'm taking up bar space I should."

From there the answers to specific drug use and habits were "No." "Oh, God no." "No, were do you buy that?" She laughed and made a face and then asked "So why are you here?" I said "I plead to a third degree assault, A Misdemeanor. " She paused and made a face again. "I meant why were you even sent here?" I shrugged my shoulders "It's what the judge ordered." She shrugged back and said "I know, but you don't seem to need this. " I scratched my head and replied "And here we all are."

She aksed a few more questions, we talked a bit about "race" and how it's an odd question that they put on the questionarrie. She asked what do I consider myself, I said American. She nodded. At some point I think she thought I was sent by the man to audit her job performance.

I requested copies of paper work to prove that I made my appointment. When I asked where these will be sent, she said she didn't know, she just asks the questions, but I should inform my PO that this session was completed. I picked up my bindle, said "Thanks" and headed off to my Thursday snare making group.

Epilogue
I don't know the value of this type assessment. What if I were some crack addict that lied through my teeth? I assume her expertise as a social worker would detect such fraud. When the judge gets this report will he realize I'm not a drug addict/alcoholic? Will the complainants be assessed about their drug history? As I learn more about our court system first hand, I can only say that it serves the court system itself, not a normal man nor beast.