The Doctor Will See You in a Few Minutes

Wednesday, April 5
A haunting odor hung in the air, the smell of isopropyl. Carl was told to wait in the lobby area. He'd passed this mysterious blue building before but never wonderred what might be inside. A woman came out and asked if he was Carl.

"Name the current US president." "George W. Bush."

She introduced herslf as Dr. K----, she would be assessing him for depression this afternoon. He had a 3:00 pm appointment. He took a seat in her office. He was asked about my family history, if anyone had a history of mental illness. "No". Although personally he often questions this, as most people do. Did he supsect or know of anyone who has a mental illness. "Yes". Did he do drugs or drink heavily "No." "Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?" "Mmm, only the cartoon kind, but no, I've never planned on walking to the bridge without my shoes." "Are you a US citizen?" "Yes." Carl get's this questions often. Also, he often get's asked if he needs a translator.

"When were you born." "XX/XX, XXXX" (Carl is 139 years old)

She asked about prior long term relationships. Carl wasn't prepared for her asking about long term realtionship from long loooooong ago. He told her he ended a seven year relationship the year they were supposed to be married. They were engaged.

"Name a country occupied by US during a time of war." "Iraq"

She asked Carl why, he said he couldn't marry an alcoholic. "Explain" she said. Carl couldn't change her or make her better and he could no longer see a future with her. She asked what he did afterwards. He finished his last project and quit his job as a creative director in publishing. He gained 40 pounds, grew his hair out, didn't work for about a year. Carl lived off his savings and a few minor jobs.

"If you saw an envelope on the ground with a stamp on it, what would you do?" "Mail it."

Dr. K---- asked if that was the last time he felt depressed before this current situation. Carl said 9/11 was very tragic, he knew people that died and personally felt threatened. She said he had a lot of overlapping trauma with out a chance of recovery. The most recent situation being his father passing away so suddenly. "It's no wonder you can't feel highs or lows" she said.

"What did you have for dinner las night" "Uh. Hmmm, I know I ate something." I thought about it a lot and I couldn't recall if I'd eaten. I asked "Does that really matter?" She didn't answer. "Probably a chicken or beef pattie" I concluded.

In her conclusion she said that Carl should find a group or get medication, but first he must find insurance. Carl expressed his fear of drugs and wondered how he'd to pay for insurance with the financial burden of Civil Court looming ahead. She didn't have an answer. In his mind Carl rolled a 20 sided di as antmen ran rampid.

"What were those three things I told you to remember before I asked you these questions." "belt, candle, and feather".

I thought I answerred this Blade Runner-like list of questions well, but she said I have signs of depression: the numbness, the insomnia, lack of appetite. As I left I wondered why I couldn't think of what I had for dinner, or for that matter if I had eaten at all. It didn't seem to matter. Or did it. What does food mean to me... I'm a good cook but I can live on crackers and olives if I wanted.

I suppose I should be worried about all of this, but again, I dont' feel any pain. It's as if someone removed my pain gland. Maybe this is good?