* Sleepless at the Dark Tower

In one of my jet lagged stupers, I wandered over the Dark Tower for a drink to trick myself into sleeping. It was around 3:00 am, the silhouttes of a couple danced by the jukebox. The tavern keeper was trying to set a new record for 48 hours of non-stop drinking. He waved at me and said "Cleric!" and then rested his head back down near his glass. There seated in the middle of the bar were Ver Klempt and Klem Matoh, they were counting gold coins. Gobarth got their attention for me. They saw me and lifted their glasses. From the loot and their boyish grins I gathered that the last adventure was successful. Not like that time I was killed by giant ants. Sheeesh. I inquired about the last adventure in Kings County.

Ver Klempt's eyes grew wide with excitement and smoothed out a well worn map. He demonstrated the secret location with the point of his dagger.
"Klem Matoh put dozens of Orcs to sleep and magically blasted slavers with numerous his magic missiles at the mouth of the cave. Over here, Gorbath magically jumped a deep chasm, crushing the Orc shaman and smiting the assassins that prowled us. From here, Vickers beheaded Cave Ogres and dispatched countless Orcs, slavers, and giant trolls! From behind her Ah Ro Ghant wielded his Sword of Sharpness and severed Apsi limbs and Orc appendages galore. Natzzo caught arrows in mid-flight, using his sweet bow skills to our advantage. Then from above, Klem Matoh's psuedo dragon, Shmaug, stung a large Apsis in the back of the head exploding it with its sweet poisoned stinger."

With his arms waving wildly he jumped from his seat. Gold coins and jewels spilled from his thieving sleeves bouncing on the floor. "And then finally I, Ver Klempt the Theif, turned invisible and stabbed the Orc chief through his chest. Just look at all this loot we won! If you only you were there, Carl!" The bar keep raised his head and screamed "I'm rich!" at the cash register, then put his head back down.

Wiping the spray of beer from my face with my sleeve I said "Yes if I'd only been there I might have silenced and counteracted the spells from evil magicians, or at least brought bar peanuts along with me." I brandished a freshly opened can of nuts, we all partook in snacking. "So I heard Vickers is mad at you, Ver Klempt." Gobarth held a finger to his lips, pantomiming a shush sound.

"Well, she got her hit points mixed up again. You know how she get's with a few drinks in her. Somehow she had hundreds HP more. I called her stupid and she got up in my face and yelled at me, grabbed her coat and sword, and then left." said the theif. "You also thumped her on the head with a pencil, V." added Gobarth. "Yep, but was just for dramatic effect. What's her problem?" Ver Klempt resumed his seat.

"Are we getting a new adventure togehter soon?" I asked. "Dunno yet, I'm leaving for Shanghai on Saturday." said Verklempt. "I hear the food's good." Gobarth added as he licked the salt from the bottom of the tin and the lid.

I missed the gang. I missed Brooklyn. Mainland news is hard to come by on the other side of the world. People there worry about Avian Flu and Korean/Chinese politics more than, Orcs, treasure or Dick Cheney shooting a man in the face. At around 4:00 the bar keep locked the door and shut off the Bud light in the window. It made a loud zap sound. I don't recall how much longer I stayed but as I walked back home the sun began to rise.