*Roasting Karl

I could see that my comrads had gathered around a low bed of green branches and leaves, there my body lay. They assembled a stack of dry wooden logs at my feet, carefully arranged by size into a pyramid. They were preparing to cremate my mortal remains, a proper ceremony for Middle Earthers. I was layed out with my head resting on my broken sheild, my arms crossing chest over my spear. The rising sun cast warm gold over my body. Otherwise my grey waxy face seemed to blend into my salt-and-pepper beard. Have I gone that grey?

I called out to Ver Klempt but he couldn't hear me. He was carving something onto a plank. "Here Lies Karl, We Shall Miss Thee" it read. He lit the wooden pire and spoke. "This fine morning we pay our last respects and tip our flagons in honor of our fallen Druid, Karl."

He continued, facing the troup. "Karl, you entangled King Orcs with the best of them and with your magic, you tried to "turn into undead" every creature we encounterred... although you never really had that power and some of these creatures were actually alive. Oh Karl, If only you had read the Player Guide more thoroughly. Instead you touted that D and D for Dummies book... perhaps it was your half-Elfish nature."

"Here! Here!" they all called out.

Ah Ro Ghant spoke next. "And most importantly you were different. You defied the most bleeding-heart Druidic stereotypes by ignoring the shrill death-screams of helpless animals everywhere. Especially Louise, your mule, who died in the jaws of a two headed Elon when you sent her ahead as a "scout". For shame Karl! Your nature wasn't Elfish... you were plain SELFISH!"

"Selfish? What? Me? You ungreatful rat bastards!" I cried out in protest, but no one heared me, I was dead in that world.

Gobarth turned to the others. "Hey guys, how many Druids does it take to change a light bulb? Thirteen, one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.

"Karl wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box, but he sure could hold his liquor! Ever try taking his mead away when he was passed out? The grip on that Druid, sheeesh! It's like you needed the Jaws of Life to rip it from his greedy hands!" Natzzo could always beat a joke into the ground.

Klem Matoh, cleared his throat "How many Druids does it take to change another Druid's mind? Two, one to change it and one not to change it. His true neutral alignment was killing me! At least he made up his mind to die! let's roast him good boys!"

Vickers walked out with a tray of skewered meat "Gobarth, I'm starved! Get these on the fire and don't over-cook 'em like the way Karl used to do. That druid could burn water! Never hire a vegertian as the cook! Let's be done with this roast and bury him before he starts to smell."

Bury me? No! I couldn't believe what they were doing, they weren't burning my Middle-Earthly remains to be sprinkled beneath a holly bush. They were throwing me a celebrity-style "roast"! Oh, why can't these guys do anything right?!

"Mercy, Lord! "No! No! No! No!" I protested with my arms waving about. That's when I noticed something odd. My arms appeared solid but everything else was becoming more transparent. I could see Klem Matoh picking his nose right through Ms. Vickers plate armor. I looked down and I could see the tree roots and crawling worms through the rocks and soil. The morning sky was getting darker. It was as if everything else was fading but me. Soon I would be the only solid thing left.

Verklempt broke out his clip baord and read from his minutes. "Ah Ro Ghant has band practice on Sundays, Ms. Vickers and Natzzo teach on Tuesdays. Karl.. well... he had Anger Mangement on Monday evenings, but that's neither here nor there. Mondays are not good for me, I have finals. Let's explore alternative dates for future meetings, and as I mentioned last night, perhaps we can meet on Friday nights instead... anyone up for next Friday, Feb. 10? How about you Gobarth?"

Their muttering voices faded into silence. I was left alone in darkness looking down and my hands. I heard a low echoey voice saying "Life goes on, you need to keep on 'Keeping On!' " That's when I turned around and saw you there, standing behind me.

Karl turned to the Dragon. It raised it's claw under its chin in pensive observation. The dragon opened Karl's case file and took a slow long drag from its cigarette. With a raised eyebrow it blew out a few rings from one nostril.

"Wellllll, yessssss. There seems to have been a mistake with your case. We've had to re-submit your case number, seems like a few of your papers didn't get processed correctly. So, unfortunately you'll have to roll again and pick a new character. But you'll get credit though, I assure you of that. You'll start over at level three. Are you a Ranger fan?" The Dragon handed Karl a large brass 20-sided di.

To be continued